The opposite of addiction ...

Connection - 24x48 Oil on Canvas 2021

January 21, 2022

Today is my birthday. It’s also day 103 without alcohol. On October 11, 2021, I had my last “Day 1’. If you’ve ever tried to give up something that feels like it’s been a close friend for a very long time, you probably know what I mean about having more than one ‘Day 1’. If you’re more like my husband who seems to have the whole moderation thing mastered, you might choose to skip this entry.

On second thought, don’t.

Perhaps it isn’t alcohol or a substance that has a hold on you. Maybe it’s your cell phone, video games, or being constantly busy. We all have our ‘drugs of choice’.

I’ve gone from being numb and eccentric to being overly emotional and eccentric. I wonder which version of me people prefer. Unfortunately, I can’t turn back to the old one. I’m not so crazy about the prickly feelings I’m experiencing, but I do love all the warm, fuzzy ones.

Now that I’m not numbing, all the bandaids are ripped off and I am feeling tender-hearted, compassionate, loving, plus a few other emotions like anger, rage, pain, and a deep sense of sadness and loss. I’m grieving for all the things I have missed out on. Even this can’t dampen the anticipation I feel for the future.

My desire to really know people (including myself) is growing by the day. It’s a beautiful thing - to connect deeply with the ones you love. I’m only just beginning to appreciate the true value of really living & loving instead of settling for a counterfeit version.

Thank you for sharing in my journey to authentic, wholehearted living. We are all in this together and I could not be more grateful for you.

Blessings and Peace,

~ Jenn xo